CHAPTER 4
FAMILY MATTERS
| Let's assume that after substantial consideration, you decide to accept
the overseas assignment. Are the problems associated with miscommunication
in cross-cultural interactions your only major obstacle? No. As strange as
it may seem and as ironic as it may be, the major obstacle for many expats
is the family. When an American accepts a foreign assignment, knowing how
to properly present one's personal best is certainly important. It is just
as important to make sure that the spouse and children are properly settled
into their new surroundings. Although you may have been hand-picked for this
plum foreign assignment and on the "fast track" with your company, you wouldn't
be the first expat whose "fast track" career was quickly slowed by a dissatisfied
family wanting to go home. In order to avoid your going from company comet to crushed soul, you, your family, and your employer must plan and work toward a successful experience together. |
I wish we could adapt as well. |
TRAILING PARTNER
One of the most important family concerns you will need to address is
how the overseas assignment will affect the career of your spouse or
partner. A survey of 120 international companies prepared by Windham
International and the National Foreign Trade Council found that 88
percent of the companies surveyed acknowledge that in overseas
assignments, the issue of the spouse's career can be difficult to
resolve. According to the survey, 46 percent of the spouses are forced
to give up careers they pursued in the US. You and your partner may
have gone to college together or met while working for the same company
at the same level. Now, one of you has been offered a promotion that
requires a move at the expense of the partner's career. Obtaining a
work permit for the trailing spouse is often difficult. Without a work
permit, a career is usually put on hold. It's like a competitive
athlete sitting on the bench, not because he isn't good enough, but
because forces beyond his control have taken him out of the game. And
as if that's not bad enough, the competition on the field of play may be
of second-team caliber. Needless to say, the trailing partner who wants
to stay in his or her profession and has the necessary skills has a
tough decision. Taking off for a few years may erode confidence,
contacts, and skill level. If you're out of the game too long, you're
corporately old before your time and may never get back in at the
competitive level. Going it on your own as a consultant or other
practitioner is an option, but a difficult one to pull off. Is it fair
that one partner should take a back seat? The partner coming out
second-best may obviously have resentment. In many situations, spouses
and partners will give up a career only to spend their time in a leased
house, far from home, and without the benefit of some type of support.
Most of them are women: 90 percent of expats in the survey are male and
78 percent are married. For some spouses, the opportunity to live
abroad offers enough to compensate for what they leave behind; others
want to stay employed and will find the strain of inactivity and
isolation very trying.
Your partner's full moral support is critical to the success of your
endeavor, and conversely, his or her unhappiness abroad will make your
job very difficult. Before accepting the assignment, you and your
partner need to discuss this issue frankly and thoroughly, considering
carefully what your personalities and needs are and exploring the
options available. You might consider the following questions:
· Does the trailing partner want to pursue his/her career path while
abroad? Will that be possible?
· Is there some other kind of work possible there that might appeal?
This may be a good time to explore a new career path.
· If there are children in your family, will the additional demands
of
living in a foreign country be too great to allow both spouses to work?
· If working in the host country appears impossible or undesirable,
how
negatively will this "time-out" impact the partner's future? Or the
family finances? Will the experience be worth what may be lost?
· If working is not an option, will there be other kinds of activities
of value to the trailing partner? Schooling? Community work? Clubs?
While you are negotiating your new assignment with your company, you
should explore options for your spouse. Find out whether the company
has any kind of compensation package for the trailing partner. Ask
whether the company can provide a benefits package that includes
continuing education or special travel arrangements for your spouse.
Ask your company to help you arrange a work permit for him or her.
Culture Shock! Successful Living Abroad, A Wife's Guide is a useful
resource in planning for and living abroad as a spouse.
One of the more interesting stories of a partnership involves the
"praying hands" sculpture. Two young men wanted to be sculptors but had
no funds. One partner gave up his desire to become a sculptor to
support his friend. The sculpture we see today is of the hands of the
friend who worked to provide the necessary funding.
UP CLOSE
CHANGING FOREVER-AN INTERVIEW WITH MARY WRIGHT
It's unusual for an expatriate to have had experience both as an
executive responsible for managing employees for a multinational company
and then as the trailing partner looking after a family. Mary Wright
has done both and shares the following interesting commentary.
The profile of the expatriate and the trailing family has changed
considerably in recent years. Although the majority of senior
management continues to be male heads of nuclear one-income families,
many high-potential employees, and their families, do not fit the
traditional mold. As the demographics of the expatriate workforce and
their trailing families change, the factors which determine the success
or failure of an expatriate assignment are also evolving. As in the
domestic workforce, two income families, wives as primary wage earners
and single professionals with "partners," are no longer remarkable. An
increasing number of women are being transferred overseas, resulting in
more trailing male spouses and partners. And the number of female
trailing spouses finding themselves newly unemployed has risen
dramatically.
Many multinationals recognize the potential problems involved in
transferring one member of a two-income family. They may even be
reluctant to consider those candidates who have an employed spouse,
fearing a greater likelihood of failure. Their fears may be well
founded. A recent employee survey at a major multinational found that a
spouse's career was second only to children's education as the most
significant obstacle to an overseas posting.
There are, however, many trailing "non-traditional" partners who have
not only survived, but thrived, as expatriates. Counter to conventional
wisdom, many trailing partners welcome the break from their careers.
Those who welcome the break the most are, perhaps surprisingly, often
the most established and confident in their careers. They see the break
as temporary and they intend to pick up their career or a new or related
profession at a later date. The demise of the post-war American
philosophy of "one career, one company for life" has encouraged the
emergence of a more mobile workforce, which may be well suited to an
expatriate's lifestyle and opportunities.
A former fast-track female manager at a Fortune 500 company, now a
trailing expatriate, feels it very important that you define your "real"
range of opportunities and choices. After a number of overseas
assignments where she had changed companies to place her in the same
country as her even higher-flying husband, she decided to pursue one of
her own long-standing interests. She is now happily pursuing a medical
career which is much more location-flexible than her husband's work.
Similarly, the male spouse of a senior oil industry executive used the
time of his wife's overseas posting to pursue a master's degree in
astrophysics, a major change from his previous career in business which
he later parlayed into a teaching career.
Another female professional welcomed the break from her teaching career
that her husband's overseas posting allowed. Although she has no
interest in changing careers, she believes that her time overseas can be
well used to further her professional development through post-graduate
course work. She comments, "Companies should be looking beyond
technical skills when considering employees for overseas postings.
There may be a personality type that goes overseas better than others;
you had better be pretty flexible." These sentiments were echoed by
another trailing spouse, a woman who had previously worked in trade
finance on Wall Street. She observed, "You can't try to duplicate your
career or life here-that is one of the biggest mistakes I see people
make."
Today's information technology has enabled an unprecedented degree of
career flexibility. One financial services professional was able to
continue to service some US-based clients from London using e-mail. As
the world becomes "smaller," many careers are becoming more
transportable.
Even those trailing expatriates who have less portable careers can find
new avenues of fulfillment during their partner's overseas posting. A
senior manager in the health services industry of 12 years and mother of
three shared, "I had a dream job, a wonderful nanny; I actually went
through a grieving process when I left. But," she added, "we never even
considered not moving-it was too good of an opportunity for the whole
family." She has since found satisfaction in being able to share more
time with her youngest daughter and pursue her volunteer interests.
Through membership in a local professional organization she has also
managed to stay current in her field.
Unfortunately, multinationals do not always prove as adaptable as the
new generation of expatriates. Not surprisingly, the major complaint of
the non-traditional expatriate is the lack of flexibility in company
benefits. Multinationals have traditionally developed their expatriate
benefit packages around a male head of a nuclear one-income family.
Major benefits typically include housing, schooling for the children, a
car or transportation allowance, a reconnaissance visit to the new
country, and annual trips back to the home country. And while most
companies recognize that a happy and secure family makes for a more
productive employee, they are often not willing to adapt their packages
to suit the individual needs of today's expatriated families. Trailing
expatriates frequently feel that multinationals offer little or no
recognition of the cost the family must bear in giving up one member's
income and in some cases, career.
Multinational companies that aspire to excellence in the global
marketplace require world-class managers; those managers will
increasingly require human resource policies and packages that are
responsive to their needs and lifestyles. One approach may be an
expatriate package which guarantees benefits for a minimum of two
people, regardless of marital or family status. The second person might
be a spouse, a non-married partner, elderly parent, or child care
provider. This approach would recognize that non-traditional
expatriates probably have at least one person in their lives whose
welfare is critical to their own stability and hence productivity.
Optional add-ons could include education and career assistance for the
trailing partner, and child and elder care.
One of the benefits that both non-traditional and traditional expatriate
families alike have found extremely helpful are customized
pre-relocation seminars. These seminars last one to three days and are
tailored to the specific needs and questions of an individual family.
Various experts are brought in to meet with the family on issues ranging
from the cultural and social norms of the host country to educational
and career opportunities for family members. Those who have
participated in the seminars agree that they serve to accelerate
adjustment and minimize surprise for the whole family.
The reality is that the professional workforce is changing. Dual-income
couples, single employees, and single parents are becoming an increasing
part of the professional pool. None of these groups fit the
"traditional" mold on which most expatriate benefit packages are based.
Some of the elements apply; others do not. No policy will cover all
eventualities; there must be some guidelines and some limits.
Flexibility is a two-way street. There are benefits and costs for both
the employee and the multinational, and both should be recognized.
Multinational companies that can embrace an attitude of flexibility in
human resource management will have access to the widest pool of
employees. Those employees who can respond in kind will enjoy
world-class opportunities.
CHILDREN
The next area of concern, if applicable, is your children. Relocating
one's children to a foreign country is not always easy and should be
considered at great length. There are a variety of reasons why some
expatriates are reluctant to include their children on an overseas
assignment. Some children adjust easily to new situations; others
decidedly do not. Some children who have been pulled out of their
schools and relocated overseas become less than enthusiastic, especially
if they are in the critical social years of middle school or high
school. If the children adamantly oppose being included in the parent's
overseas assignment, then the family is in a difficult situation. You
may also be concerned about moving your child to a country in which the
health and/or safety conditions are risky, especially if a child has any
special medical needs. Career advancement versus the children's
well-being is a tough choice. Forcing children to live overseas may
create problems that will ultimately have an adverse consequence on the
foreign assignment or create problems in your family from which it will
be difficult to recuperate. For reasons like these, you might want to
explore the option of leaving your children at home with family or
friends or in boarding school for the duration of your assignment. Of
course, concerns over your children may lead you to decline the
assignment. You would not be the first to so choose.
If you choose to include the children on a foreign assignment, there are
numerous issues that need to be addressed. Good communication between
parents and children during both the planning stages and the assignment
is a necessity for the venture to be successful. Culture Shock!
Successful Living Abroad, A Parent's Guide provides practical
information from an experienced expatriate parent. The author insists
that planning and talking and listening will be essential activities for
the whole family during this new adventure. She reassures nervous
parents that children are much more resilient than adults often think
they are and often respond wonderfully to new adventure. Work with
these attributes and you will go far.
BEFORE LEAVING
Include your children as much as possible in the decision-making process
and in your planning. The more they feel they "own" this venture and
have some control in it, the less likely they are to resent it and the
more they will participate willingly and even eagerly. Have frequent
conversations with each of the children. Try to determine what they are
really thinking (not just what you hope they are thinking). Allow them
to express their fears and concerns and encourage them to help find
solutions to them. Subjects left unsettled will only grow, not
disappear. Set aside a daily time to discuss issues.
Do all you can to get your children interested and excited about their
new home country. Children need to have a clear understanding of the
surroundings that they will encounter in another country, and if the
children have a distinct interest in the new culture, then living in
another country can be a positive learning experience for them.
Researching your new country can not only raise positive expectations
but can also provide a fun bonding activity for the family. Make it a
family project to find pictures, books, music, stories, food, etc. from
the new land, and plan together the fun things you will do while there.
There are many, many sources of information available to you and your
family for researching your host country. Obvious sources include your
local libraries and the embassy of your host country. The Internet also
provides a boundless source of information, sounds, and pictures on
countries all over the world. There are also a number of sites at which
your children can exchange concerns and experiences with other expat
children, and this kind of sharing can offer invaluable reassurance.
And don't overlook the possibility of direct contact with people from
your host country in your home town. Many ethnic groups host clubs,
events, and other gatherings that would help all of you become familiar
with your host peoples and culture.
Besides enticing them with the new aspects of the country, you might
also find ways to assure your children that not all will be foreign and
strange in the new country. Help them find out what kinds of things
will be familiar to them there. There are a variety of "American clubs"
in many cities around the world; find out what is available where you
will be. Unless you will truly be living in the "outback," there will
likely be an American-style radio broadcast you will be able to hear
while there-help them find it. Work with each child's particular
interests (soccer, ballet, music, etc.) and help them discover how they
will be able to pursue those interests in their new home. Plan with
them which of their favorite possessions they will bring with them when
you move. Be sure your children know the mailing address of your new
home to give to their friends and encourage them to make an address book
so they can keep in touch with their friends and family while gone.
Recognizing at the outset that adjustments will need to be made-even
with the most carefully laid plans-will help to begin the
problem-solving phase. Continual family communication will help to
weather the bumps which most certainly will occur. The opportunity to
invent creative solutions will be endless. A foreign assignment is a
big adjustment. Mishaps can occur out of the blue. It should be
apparent that communication skills, parenting skills and good
old-fashioned survival skills are all necessities. Don't leave home
without them.
IN YOUR NEW COUNTRY
Every day in our homeland, we are surrounded by our accustomed
necessities of life-food, clothing and shelter. It is possible in a
foreign assignment to have material changes in all three of these
necessities leading to what is commonly known as culture shock. Waking
up in a strange environment, wearing unusual clothing, and eating
peculiar food is difficult for adults, let alone children.
The new living quarters may present the first opportunity for personal
growth. Getting the electricity and telephone connected may be major
accomplishments, especially if you don't speak the language. The
location, furniture, color of paint, and decorations may speak of a
culture not your own. Living quarters may be smaller, the neighborhood
may be cramped for space and far noisier than home. Very likely a
language barrier will separate you from your neighbors. Simple errors
in language can lead to complex misunderstandings. However, making an
effort to communicate may broaden everyone's horizons and add to your
cultural awareness.
If the children are in an American school, language in school and at
home will not be a problem for them. Young children may well catch on
to the local language more easily than you since language acquisition is
an important part of their cognitive development in childhood. You may
find they are teaching you some local vocabulary. Take them with you on
as many outings as sensible so they can mix with the local population.
Food shopping will be a necessary adventure in the new country.
However, the availability and choices of favorite foods may be limited.
Encourage your children to try new food, but try not to force the
issue. Whenever possible within reason, try to serve favorites if they
are available.
The climate in your new location may also differ from home, and a
completely different style and type of clothing may be necessary just to
cope with the weather. Standards of acceptable clothing may also be
quite different in the new location (especially for girls!). Children
may need to wear uniforms to school. Blue jeans and sneakers may not be
acceptable. Teens seeking to be with the in crowd can make quite a fuss
if they feel alienated by their strange clothes. It is more difficult
for them to feel accepted and their clothes will definitely be a topic
of contention. It will be important to find out just what constitutes
the "in" clothing for children and to help them obtain an appropriate
wardrobe to the extent that your budget allows. Peer pressure and
acceptance at this age are of prime importance to them, particularly at
a time when most of their world is strange and new. Help them work
through this.
As a family you will also need to pay particular attention to staying
safe-for both you and your family. You can't take the safety of the US
everywhere you go. Pre-plan if possible for a secure environment both
at your new home and on the new job. Getting to and from work, the
store, or school can be an adventure in some countries. Security is a
must. Food and water may pose unfamiliar health risks that must be
accommodated. Other health precautions and/or medications may need to
be taken. Make a point to learn what dangers your new home might
present, and discuss these frankly with the family (without terrorizing
them too much!). Develop safety strategies together and enforce them
strictly.
If your assignment is in a Third World country, another trauma your
family may face is the grim reality of abject poverty. Although it
certainly exists in the US, it is perhaps not as widespread, and most of
us are insulated from it in a way that you may not be in your host
country. It may be disturbing to be living in what can be perceived as
luxury while the local inhabitants are struggling to survive around
you. This may raise many questions in the mind of a sensitive child.
This need not be an entirely negative experience. For many expats, this
eye-opening exposure has had a broad-reaching and lasting effect on
their lives and sometimes even career paths. Don't shy away from this
topic with your children, but use it as an opportunity to explore
together one of society's most troubling problems.
THE FAMILY BOND
All of these circumstances may combine to make the new assignment a
disconcerting situation. Many of the familiar items taken for granted
are missing. New pathways need to be created for essential everyday
living, taxing the creative capabilities of the entire family. The
working partner, who also needs to adjust to a new job, needs complete
support from all members of the family, all of whom are struggling
themselves. Keep in mind that the adversity will lighten and routines
will take the place of the unknown. The family will have the
opportunity to work together toward mutual solutions which may be a new
undertaking for them.
Even with all of the planning, there is still the possibility that the
upheaval caused by the challenges of living in a foreign culture will be
strongly felt by both the children and the family. Familiar comfortable
items missing in the new location plus the effect of all the new
situations can bring about culture shock to everyone. Children will
perceive whatever uncertainty and unhappiness their parents are feeling,
and this will intensify their own feelings of inadequacy or fear and
general melancholy. Pretending that everyone is adjusting well when it
just isn't so is unrealistic and may lead to disaster. Everyone's
reaction to this transition may combine and magnify the complexity of
the situation. However, if the family pulls together, all of this
upheaval can be overcome.
Daily communication, along with family problem-solving sessions, will be
needed to adjust successfully to the many new situations you are
facing. Allow time for discussion of new and unresolved situations
while presenting assurances that difficulties can be worked out with
cooperation from all. Reward positive solutions and continue to seek
answers for the unresolved difficulties. A friend who spent 35 years
abroad said he made a family rule early on that every family member must
attend dinner at day's end. He required that everyone share their day's
experiences, good and bad. He said this little requirement helped bring
out many problems before they got bigger. The time spent together as a
family, solving problems as a family, will be beneficial to the cohesion
of the group and will help create strong family bonds.
The early stabilization of a routine for the family will help everyone
feel secure in the new surroundings. Regular hours for meals, school,
play, and bedtime will help establish a sense of familiarity and
security that will be important to all family members. A schedule will
also help to solidify the family as a group, each cooperating and
sharing a meaningful place within the structure. There will be enough
unexpected confusion from the outside world. The family has to know
that within itself, there is order.
EXPLORE THE NEW CULTURE
Do everything possible to make your time abroad an exciting
opportunity. Take time to enjoy some local sightseeing together, and
keep a family journal of your experiences and difficulties, your
impressions and solutions. Encourage them to get actively involved in
the local community if at all possible. Help each of your children find
a personal interest in some aspect of the new culture. One might enjoy
making a scrapbook of postcards or stamps from the places you have
visited; another may want to follow the local soccer team; another child
may get interested in studying the local music. The possibilities are
limited only by the imagination.
The best expat is the educated expat. Learn as much as you can about
the land and people in your new home. Imagine how someone from another
country and culture newly-arrived in your home town would go about
becoming "American." He would eat at local restaurants, attend regional
festivals, learn our sports heroes, our champions of industry, educators
of note, etc. You already know most of this information just by having
lived there all these years. The same is true of you when you land in a
new country (like one of the Pilgrims 300 years ago). The reception
party could be hostile or friendly-much depends upon your attitude,
approach, and how they perceive you. With a few exceptions (and there
are some), people are honored by someone's interest in their culture and
are eager to share it. Don't be afraid to ask questions or to look
foolish. You will almost always be pleased to discover how helpful
people can be when you make the effort to meet them partway.
In this context an experienced European executive offers this useful
advice: "Balance your friends between expats and local nationals. Most
Americans clan together and concentrate criticism of the host country's
negative points." Avoid the company of expats who focus their energy on
the negative aspects of the foreign experience, and make every effort to
meet and spend time with people native to your host country.
Successful expats develop an educational approach to finding out about
their new country. The following questions can serve as a beginning for
further research for you and your family. These questions represent
only a start and can be expanded as you develop your own areas of
interest.
· What is the country's geographical profile?
· What are the country's primary agricultural and industrial products?
· What are the political and economic structures of the country? Are
they stable?
· How does the standard of living there compare to the US?
· What is the country's relationship with the US? How are Americans
perceived there?
· What language(s) are spoken there?
· How common is English?
· What ethnic groups are represented there, and what stratum of society
does each tend to occupy?
· What is the prominent religion?
· What are the favorite pastimes and activities of the people?
· Who are the country's heroes?
· When are the national holidays and why are these days celebrated?
What events in history most affected the culture as it is today?
· What are some of the culture's folktales and myths?
· What are considered the culture's most significant contributions to
the arts?
· What newspapers and magazines are available? Radio? Television?
· Is education free and how does it compare to education in the US?
· What are the prominent forms of transportation? Do you need a special
driver's license to drive a car there?
BALANCE THE STRANGE WITH THE FAMILIAR
At the same time you are helping your children explore their new
surroundings, don't forget that they will also need to maintain their
connection to home. Encourage them to keep in touch with their friends
back home through letters and pictures. Help them find TV and/or radio
stations that broadcast American programs and music; take them to
American movies from time to time if possible. Help them find ways to
pursue some of the same activities they enjoyed at home. Adapting to
the entirely foreign takes a great deal of mental and emotional energy.
Being able to relax into the familiar from time to time will help them
"recharge the batteries" and feel ready to face the new once again.
Some final advice along these lines: be sure to bring along a supply of
peanut butter!
EDUCATION
INTERNATIONAL SCHOOLS
As you consider the schooling options for your child, you will
undoubtedly hear or read about "international schools". For people not
involved in international education, the nature of what are termed
"international schools" can be puzzling. Most of us go to school within
one educational system. It is this experience that forges our
educational beliefs. When families first explore expatriate education,
they discover a world of differences which often collide with some of
the beliefs and values that families hold dear. Robert Findlay,
International Education Consultant in London, shares information on
issues facing families whose children are educated outside the US.
First we need to dispel some of the myths that surround international
schools. The term "international" is confusing. Do we mean the
curriculum is international? Are we referring to the teachers in the
school? Is it the assessment procedure that is international? Before I
can answer these questions we should look at the way in which
international schools are established.
Most international schools are set up to serve the needs of a particular
group of expatriates working in an overseas location. The founders of
such a school generally design the curriculum to reflect the education
system of their home country. This accounts for much of the diversity
in international education. The many international schools are rooted
in the various traditions of the groups they were founded to serve,
almost by definition an education system other than that of the host
country. The result is that a given international school will relate to
a particular national education system. While the students attending
the school may be international, the curriculum is usually not. To meet
the needs of expatriate communities, international schools tend to base
their programs on the education system of the country representing its
predominant group of parents.
Let's look at a major city and see how this principle operates in
practice. Take London as an example. The largest group of expatriates
in London is from the United States. There are six private schools
within thirty miles of the center of London. These schools serve an
American community of some sixty-five thousand people. In addition to
the American schools, there are other expatriate schools serving the
French, German, Japanese, Spanish, Norwegian, Greek, and Dutch
communities in the London area.
When we look at the American schools in the London area, it is clear
that they serve American families and others seeking an American-style
education. The core teaching materials come from the States. The
standardized tests used in the schools are American and are normed on a
US population. The schools are accredited by official organizations
based in the US. Most of the teachers are certified in the States.
There is little doubt that the schools have their educational origins in
the United States.
So are the American schools in the London area simply US schools
transposed to the UK or are they distinctly international schools? It
is my belief that they are truly international schools. They meet four
criteria that almost all international schools have in common.
1. They have a curriculum that differs from the host country.
2. They serve the educational needs of an expatriate community living
in a host country.
3. They have a student population that is international.
4. They have modified their curriculum to make the most of the
international setting.
For parents considering international schools, an awareness of the
diversity in international schools is crucial. Parents need to
understand the varying nature of the international schools if they are
to make the best possible decisions when moving abroad. While London is
well served by US-styled international schools, there are many locations
in which the international schools' curriculum and teaching styles are
based on other educational patterns. A large number of English-speaking
international schools are based upon the British system (over 200
worldwide). In the Pacific Rim, both Australia and New Zealand exert an
increasing influence. The first international school to open its doors
in Saigon has an Australian-based curriculum, while the newest
international school in Brunei has drawn its educational inspiration
from New Zealand.
CHOOSING THE RIGHT SCHOOL
Understanding and managing the differences in international schools is
the key to ensuring that the family makes a smooth transition to their
new location. An inability to consider educational issues can lead to
unnecessary failure in the overseas assignment process. For children of
school age, school placement is a prime consideration. Whether to place
a child in an American, private, parochial, or local school is a
decision to be carefully researched. The age, grade level, maturity
level, special needs, and interests of the child must all be
considered. The school's curriculum, language base, distance from home,
transportation to and from, and costs lie on the other side of this
equation. A desired balance will help to discourage any unhappiness,
resentment, or anger the child may be feeling, and these feelings can
easily result in behavioral and academic problems at the new school. As
a parent, you have to do your homework to determine whether the school
setting is appropriate for your children. Unhappy children can quickly
undermine the stability of the foreign assignment. Usually children
under the age of 12 adapt more easily to their new school. Children
over this age may find it more difficult to adapt to changes, make new
friends, compete with peers, and emerge with their self-image and
self-esteem intact. Communication among the child, the parents, and the
prospective schools during the selection process is of chief
importance. Although some bumps will be experienced in the best of
situations, the parents must be willing to listen and sort out the
seriousness of the child's concerns and be willing to adjust to achieve
a satisfactory situation for both child and school. Obviously, clear
and open communication among all parties involved will continue to be
critical throughout the school year.
Consider carefully the choices you have in your new location. You may
first consider the English-based international school at your new post.
It will probably be supplied with teachers trained in the States, using
texts and tests from the States with a curriculum to match. The
students probably will be from families like your own on a foreign
assignment. Teachers will have experience working in this international
setting and will usually also serve as counselors. As in the States,
schools will vary from small to large, sparsely equipped to well
equipped. As explained earlier, depending on the original founding
group and the current board of directors, emphasis may be placed on
specific areas while other areas are lacking. You may find much
attention paid to sports and not to the arts. There may be extensive
libraries or none at all. This diversity of options may also be due to
the lack of overseeing agencies issuing uniform regulations. If you
have a specific area that you are interested in having your child
exposed to, it is wise to find out whether it is offered.
Keep in mind that in many of these schools, competition can be stiff.
Foreign assignments are generally given to upwardly mobile, highly
educated, competitive senior executives like yourself with
over-achieving families to match. This can present a lot of motivation
to a capable student and a disaster to a teen whose whole reputation was
built on the football field back home. On the other hand, in many of
these schools, class sizes tend to be small, allowing for more
individualized attention than many children receive in the States. This
can be invaluable for either a highly self-motivated student, or for a
child who needs additional academic and/or moral support.
It is possible that well-to-do local families may also place their
children in the international school. Their presence in the school
system will have an effect on the curriculum of the school. This is an
opportunity for your children to be exposed to the local population in a
setting of their peers and not just witnessing them in a subservient
position. They may learn a smattering of the local language and customs
in the process.
Consideration may be given to other school options. International
schools featuring the language and curriculum of differing countries may
be also available. For reasons of your own, you may want to investigate
these prospects. Local schools may also present possibilities.
Obviously, there are local schools, for instance in London, where
English is spoken. If you want your child to be immersed in a local
culture, out of the expatriate sphere, but without a language barrier,
such a local school may be a good option. A local school with a
different language than your own may be a possibility for a very young
child. Older children adapt less easily to learning a new language
while trying to learn school lessons as well. Some cities may offer
missionary schools which will feature a religious as well as scholastic
curriculum. You will need to determine the religion and language base
used.
Educating your child at home is also an option both here and abroad. If
your children are already participating in home schooling, the
transition will be minimal for both you and them. If your foreign post
does not offer schooling that meets your needs, then home schooling may
be necessary. It is a big obligation and one not to be taken lightly.
The age of the children is, of course, a big issue. You may be able to
teach addition and subtraction but not calculus. You may need to
procure the needed materials; texts, tests, study guides, etc. before
traveling to your post. Extended stays may require that you submit
goals and results periodically. Home schooling does have the advantage
of presenting local cultural events as part of an enrichment
curriculum. It also has the function of separating the children from
their peers with both positive and negative results. Attendance at
school will help the children to acquire friends. If the placement is
in an American school, the children will most likely speak the same
language and have similar cultures. They could be the children of
expats like yourself who are experiencing the same emotions as your
children.
A foreign post presents many opportunities for growth for your
children. A successful school career is a significant step for your
children in the attainment of their goals. As a parent, you are
accountable for the choices made regarding their education and you must
be ever attentive to this responsibility.
A FINAL NOTE:
INTERNATIONAL CHILDREN
Your children have begun to make friends who inevitably ask, "Where are
you from?" If this is your first foreign assignment and the children
are old enough to know and remember their home in the States, this
question can be answered rather easily. However, as foreign assignments
become more numerous and children are born abroad, the question becomes
more complicated. It is estimated that there are one-half million
children from the US alone in this category. They carry the passport of
a country where they may have lived only briefly, or maybe not at all.
These children hold great interest for sociologists who see them as the
forerunners of an increasingly mobile society in the 21st century.
These young internationals who live with their parents will obviously
share the culture of their family, which is their first culture. A
second culture arises through the encounters experienced while living
among the peoples of a foreign culture ranging from poverty to
opulence. The degree of the family's involvement with and attitude
toward the local culture helps to shape their values and sensitivity. A
third culture then springs from the merger of the first two cultures,
creating a child who is internationally mobile with a global identity.
This total experience including education, friendships made along the
way, participation in local festivals, and learning local languages will
influence decisions made over a lifetime. These children will
inevitably help to shape the future thinking regarding our attitudes and
responsibilities toward our global neighbors. Your children may well
end up among this important group shaping our future as a planet.
