CHAPTER 12
COMING HOME
| Any book offering advice about accepting a work assignment abroad is not complete without some discussion of what returning home can be like. When you headed out on your new adventure, you prepared yourself for possible difficulties and emotional upheavals. What you might not be expecting is how difficult the "re-entry" process might be. However, the difficulties can be lessened if they are anticipated and you take action while you are still abroad. This chapter is intended to help you with this process. |
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Returning home from your overseas assignment won't be as severe as an
astronaut re-entering from outer space, but there will be some
adjustment both for you and your family. After living abroad, however
good or bad the experience was, you and yours won't be the same when you
arrive home. You should realize that many things have changed while
you've been away, starting with yourself. The language, your schedule,
your manners, your living arrangements, and most of all,
your job have
been different than the US version. Your family has experienced changes
also. You all have finally become comfortable in dealing with local
food, customs, daycare/baby-sitters, school, servants, and
entertaining. The children have made friends, school's not so bad after
all, and they have substituted the local snack of choice for their
favorite version back home. All in all, although you and your family
may have begun the assignment in chaos, for the most part your lives
have now adapted to what was once foreign.
The fact that the overseas assignment is over is often bittersweet
news. To get things started, you begin compiling the endless lists all
over again, this time in reverse. But at least this time, if you are
returning to your home country, you know something about where you are
going. No new language to learn, no strange foods, climate, schools, or
transportation. It will be work, but not as many uncertainties . . .
change is the status quo in international work.
You wind down your duties on the job, file your final reports, and begin
the round of good-byes with your international friends. The family
begins the same processes in their lives. Your spouse terminates her
duties and memberships and the children's school is notified to send the
records. Decisions are made on what furniture and clothes to take and
what to leave behind. You're out of here!
You finally arrive home to the old homestead or a new one.
Unfortunately, upon your return you may find that it's not the same as
you've long imagined. When you are abroad, you carry a perception of
"how things were" back home. When you return you discover that it's
somewhat like going back to a high school reunion-your best friends have
not only changed physically, but mentally. You don't have the same
interests, perceptions, outlooks, or experiences as you did when you
were friends and school mates in years past. Your old friends back home
may fit into this category following your international experience.
After you listen to the same local gossip, play golf at the same country
club, visit the old neighborhood, it's just not the same somehow. It
has nothing to do with your feeling superior or more rounded. Like it
or not, you've been reshaped, and it may take awhile to be shaped back
into a US version again. The longer you've been away, the longer it
usually takes to successfully come home.
As the working partner, your return to the company headquarters may be
not quite as you pictured it. They've possibly restructured or
redecorated. Your former office has a new look with a new face. The
managers have changed along with their objectives. Your overseas
project may or may not be numero uno on their priority list. Procedures
may have changed. Profits may have been less than expected. Several of
your colleagues at the home office may have taken advantage of an early
retirement package offered by your company in an effort to downsize.
You should be assessing your position at the company. They remember you
when-you remember them when. Make sure that your international
experience is remembered by the company and fits into their future
plans. Many multinational companies include career counseling as a way
to bring your needs and expectations in line with the current realities
of your company. If your company does not offer this benefit, you might
request it.
At home your family finds many changes. Even the local grocery store
has become a super store on the edge of town with a new manager and new
systems. They have replaced the old check cashing card system with a
computer system. Even though it's good to be home, it still takes time
to turn on the water, gas, and electricity which power all the
appliances and conveniences. The kids return to find that some of their
friends have moved and those who have stayed are "different" than what
they remembered. In fact, the whole community may not be quite like
they remembered it. The hangouts they used to haunt have been taken
over by the younger crowd. The new "in" places are unfamiliar. TV
shows have come and gone, new pop artists have pushed aside the
familiar. The old shoes that were so comfortable three years ago aren't
comfortable today. In fact, they're out of style and don't even fit
anymore. Nothing is the same, neither you nor they. Time marches on.
BEST ADVICE-PLAN TO RETURN BEFORE YOU LEAVE
The successful re-entry process begins with the plans you make while
still in your own backyard. One of the best things you can do to
alleviate many of your re-entry difficulties is to have communicated
regularly with all your home-based support systems while you were
abroad. Communication between you and the people in your office,
between your partner and friends, between the children and their friends
is the best safety net you can set up before you leave.
Keeping in touch with your home office is vital. The global
proliferation of electronic communications media such as faxing and
e-mail has made it relatively easy to keep current with home office
developments and to continue to maintain a presence there. Participate
in discussions regarding strategy and opportunities. Determine a
contact person with whom you can share information. Encourage your
family to maintain communication with their friends back home also.
What's new in your neighborhood? Did the local government change? How
did the local teams do during the season and in the playoffs? Do they
have a new coach or manager? Again the use of e-mail, faxing, and the
World Wide Web is an excellent way for all of you to keep in touch with
friends back home and to follow the latest "hot" news and "cool" trends.
Two-way communication is the best way to alleviate the reverse culture
shock you will experience upon returning. Travel opportunities during
your assignment might be used to return home to catch up on things.
Frequent trips back to the plant, when possible, will keep you updated
on new changes, faces, and priorities. Taking your vacation time to go
home may be disappointing when contrasted with a visit to ancient ruins
but will certainly keep alive the realities of your home base. Assuming
you have stayed in close communication with both your job and your
neighborhood, your re-entry process should be less chaotic.
Once you know you will be leaving and the date is on the calendar, try
to wind things up quickly. A long, drawn out departure will be
difficult for both you and your overseas friends. You will begin to
wonder if you are ever leaving and so will they. Delayed good-byes just
defer the re-entry process. Attend your farewell parties. Say your
good-byes to all your co-workers, your neighbors, your friends, your
children's friends. Grieve for the loss of the good times so that you
can close this chapter in your life. Try to resolve all the outstanding
issues that tie you to this assignment. Remember it well and move on.
Realize that the return home will have unexpected turmoil even in the
best of times. The readjustment process will present challenges and
difficulties. The reconnection process will take time. Don't minimize
the effects this will have on you and your family. While you are
dealing with the uncertainties of your job and finances, your spouse
will be fielding your concerns along with hers and the children's. Try
not to be unrealistic in your expectations that everything will return
to normal automatically. Effective communication among all family
members is a necessity not to be overlooked.
Children may become depressed and despondent. Their immune systems can
break down and they may experience frequent illnesses. They may have
anxiety about school and their peer relationships. On the other hand,
now that they are back home, they may want and expect more freedom.
Moving from country to country as a teen may be turbulent at best and
possibly may have colored your children's self esteem. It is important
to continue a dialogue with them especially under difficult
circumstances.
It may take a full cycle of seasons and holidays for the reconnection to
the old neighborhood to finally take place. After the family becomes
re-involved in local functions, the children settled in school, old and
new relationships with friends and neighbors rebuilt, and routines
established, the domestic setting often comes together. You and your
family will never be quite the same as before you left home nor view the
world quite the same again when you return. Who's to say-you may yearn
to do it all again. Certainly you will have grown mentally and
emotionally from the experience.
